Office banter is most definitely a grey area. In the right tone, it can build teams and grow a sense of camaraderie. In fact, many unbearable working environments are made all the more bearable by friendly banter. But all too often there’s a fine line between having a laugh and offending someone. What began as seemingly innocent banter can very easily turn into harassment.
The trouble is one size doesn’t fit all. A high-spirited exchange may be water off a ducks back to one employee, yet hurtful and abusive to another. Wherever you sit on the banter radar, there’s bound to come a time when you feel a colleague has gone too far.
Here are 8 smart ways to deal with banter that’s beginning to get you down, provided by Lloyd Wells – an experienced business writer consulting a range of establishments including Planday as part of an office behaviour study.
1. Develop the art of a quick-witted comeback
When you’re on the receiving end of office banter, what started as a light-hearted joke can quickly become a thin-veiled insult. When it comes to responding, you’ll likely be tongue-tied and it could take you 2 days to think of an appropriate retort. By then it’s too late. Witty comebacks are all in the timing. You’ll need to hone your listening skills so you can come in with a witty response quickly. You can’t plan comebacks, but you can use skills you already have to pay more attention to the conversation and intervene when it turns sour. In the case of snide remarks, hone yourself to listen to the words carefully. When you feel confident enough, make a quick remark to defuse the situation. For example, if a colleague is being snide and says “is that the best you can do?” you could try “yes that’s my best shot, where do we go from here?”
But definitely be mindful you don’t stoop to the same level.
2. Embrace it
Go with the flow and don’t get too het up. If you can, try not to take yourself too seriously. That doesn’t mean you have to put up with bullying behaviour. It will be up to you to decide when things cross over the line. Being able to see the absurdity in others and shrug your shoulders can be a useful tool for letting a little bit of innocent teasing go over your head. Remember banter in some workplaces is a form of bonding.
3. Ignore it
If it’s annoying rather than hurtful, you could just ignore the banter. Not always easy, but it is an option. When the banter is directed towards you, but you manage to ignore it, sometimes the banter stops because you are indifferent. The person directing the banter soon gets bored and gives up.
4. Ask your employer to step up the equality and diversity training
If office banter seems to be getting out of control and you don’t feel equipped to deal with it directly, ask your employer to introduce some awareness training around respect for colleagues and customers. The perpetrators may just take the hint.
5. Pick your fights
When the office banter is starting to get you down, don’t just let it build up. Pick a time to pull the person aside and ask them to STOP. Try not to make it personal. Be as objective as you can. The person making the comments may respond in a different way than you imagine. They probably don’t even realise just how annoying they are being. Hopefully, they’ll be suitably embarrassed and the inappropriate banter will cease.
6. Lead by example
There’s no point getting irritated by office banter if half the time you are joining in with it. Treat others in the same way you would like to be treated. If banter is getting you down, don’t be tempted to join in when it suits you.
7. Educate – set up an ‘oops I went too far’ workshop
Creating an open discussion around banter and what is acceptable behaviour within your team is a really great way of bringing a taboo subject out into the open. Directly confronting those dishing out the banter can often feel too difficult and may not bring the results you want. The question of when banter becomes harassment is a fundamentally sensitive subject all round. Creating a fun workshop where everyone can contribute and listen will give you the opportunity to lay down some rules. It’s important to keep the good banter from the bad.Remind your colleagues that ‘having a laugh’ can very quickly turn into a serious grievance. Without understanding someone’s personality and back story a seemingly innocent joke can be extremely insulting.
8. Report it to your boss
If things are getting out of control, you’ve tried everything to deal with it, or you don’t have the confidence to confront the problem, you don’t have to put up with it. Ask your manager to deal with it. If the banter is coming from your manager, go straight to the top or seek external advice.
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